there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
