You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
