how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
