I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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