hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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