That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
