there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
