I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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