waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
