remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
