Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
