The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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