the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
