they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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