Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
