Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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