I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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