we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sober January is a disaster.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
