I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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