I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
