I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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