How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
