Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
