so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
