I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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