batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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