She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
