And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
