I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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