if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
3 2 1 whiskey
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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