Four minutes until I can fart!
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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