the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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