she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fuck appropriateness.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
