She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
