Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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