I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
