My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
