She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
