wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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