Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
