My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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