Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
