I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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