Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
