Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
