i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
