Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
