Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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