are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
