He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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