id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
