I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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