My nipple is on Facebook.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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