We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We talked him into tasing himself.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
