I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So much rum. So many feels.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
