I hate your face
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
