do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Randomize
