I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
