were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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