im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
